Sitting on my North End roof deck, watching the sun set over the Garden, sipping a John Daly (a take on the Arnold Palmer: lemonade and sweet tea vodka), I got to thinking. Miami nightclubs already have a drink named after LeBron James. Kentucky bars have a shot named after John Wall, and he only spent a year there. How come Boston doesn’t have signature drinks named after its high-profile sports personalities? Enlisting the help of Boston’s best bartender, Sarah Pemberton, we came up with five cocktails every Boston establishment should add to its menu.
THE LASER SHOT (a.k.a. The Dustin Pedroia)
1 oz. Patrón Silver
1 fresh lime slice
Squirt of Frank’s RedHot Cayenne Pepper Sauce
Combine tequila and juice of one lime slice over ice in a cocktail shaker. Shake well. Strain into a shot class, and add a squirt of Frank’s RedHot.
This shooter is like The Laser Show himself–compact and fiery. The Patrón gives a nod to the second baseman’s 2008 Silver Slugger Award, and the squirt of Frank’s RedHot obviously reflects the 5-foot-something Red Sox star’s impassioned personality.
THE SHPNOTAQ (a.k.a., The Shaquille O’Neal)
3 oz. Hpnotiq
0.25 oz. Midori
0.5 oz. sloe gin
3 crushed mint leaves
Dash of Sprite
Combine Hpnotiq, Midori and crushed mint over ice in a cocktail shaker. Shake well. Pour over a tall glass of ice, add a dash of Sprite and float the sloe gin over top. Garnish with a cherry.
A tall of drink of (not) water, this cocktail won’t cost much, and it can only help you rebound from that Game 7 hangover. Finding ingredients that end in Q is never easy, so the Hpnotiq is a natural fit. The Midori adds some Celtics green, and the mint is the next-best thing to a clover. Despite the aged legend’s sluggish pace (hence the sloe gin), we hope he’s still nimble (like the sprite).
THE SUPER BOWL (a.k.a., The Bill Belichick)
4 oz. Gale Force Gin
4 oz. ClearHeart Vodka
2 oz. Pusser’s British Navy dark rum
4 oz. Bacardi 151 over-proof rum
4 oz. Bacardi Silver light rum
2 oz. Blue Curaçao
2 oz. sour mix
6 oz. Hawaiian Punch
12 oz. Nantucket Nectars Pineapple Orange Guava
Fill a tiki bowl with about 20 ounces of ice. Add liqueurs. Mix in juice, top with sour mix and stir well. Makes enough for 3-5 people.
This concoction exposes your weaknesses. It’s 40 ounces– like you’d see a homeless man in a cutoff sweatshirt drinking. The gin and juice come from Belichick’s adopted home of Nantucket. The Bacardi Silver and Blue Curaçao add Pats colors. The vodka puts a twist on the Friday Night Lights ‘clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose’ mantra. The Hawaiian Punch represents his two Pro Bowl coaching stints. He’ll surpass 150 regular-season victories this year, hence the 151. The sour mix reflects Belichick’s ever-present sourpuss. And the dark rum recognizes his father’s contribution to the Naval Academy.
THE BLACK ‘N’ GOLD (a.k.a., The Milan Lucic)
1 oz. black rum
1 oz. gold rum
0.5 oz. Chambord
Dash of Canada Dry Ginger Ale
Combine rum and Chambord over ice in a cocktail shaker. Shake well. Strain into a tumbler, add a dash of ginger ale and garnish with a yellow twist.
This drink will pull your sweater over your head and knock you out. Share a hat trick of these with a lady friend, and you’re definitely scoring. The combination is simple: the Bruins’ Black & Gold, a taste of Lucic’s home country (the ginger ale) and an appreciation for his slamming of people into the boards (the Chambord).
THE BIG O (a.k.a., The Glenn Ordway)
4 oz. stout
4 oz. Arrogant Bastard Ale
0.5 oz. Glenfiddich
0.5 oz. Bailey’s Irish Cream
In a pint glass, pour the stout slowly over a spoon to float atop the ale. Add the scotch and Irish cream to a shot glass. Drop the shot glass into the beer and chug.
Warning: This drink may cause you to talk over people, and it’ll stay in your mustache for hours. It’s a take on the Black & Tan, neither of which represents Glenn. But The Big O is admittedly stout, and he gets called ‘a fat bastard’ by a handful of callers a day.